Have you ever felt that you didn’t know your real self till now…. or sudden confusion about ‘I am Ms X or Y ?? ‘ … or a surprise that ‘How come I’ve never realised this about me before ? ‘
Please …please …please ….say ‘Yes’ …. at least that will make me feel little better (that I’m not a weirdo 😛 )
Recently I’ve realized a few things about myself…which never crossed my mind before.
# I’ve ego issues.
Yup… I have ego issues… big time. Though as Hubby said, it doesn’t appear much in day to day life. I wasn’t really shocked when I realized this…so may be subconsciously I knew…but never really accepted it. My ego issues are pretty funny. For example… when someone would suggest that I can try meditation to find peace of mind…. immediately I’ll come up with an excuse not to do it…because I feel defeated if I have to be dependent on ‘meditation’ to find my peace of mind. Most of the time I’ll convience myself that the presented excuse is not really an excuse but a genuine reason [ :O ]
Do You read that ? …yes…this was even more shocking… # I lie to myself …without even realizing it.
I keep saying that I hate liars and cheaters…and look at this… I lie to myself sometimes. :O Sigh!!!! 😦
# I start judging people very quickly but then won’t stick to it.
Yeah…and till now I thought that I don’t judge people at all…because my opinion about anyone keeps changing till I really get to know him/ her.
# I really need to learn to let go...
…specially negative thoughts. Once I start thinking something negative… I just can’t stop it and drop it… until I make a total mess out of it :/. If I’ve imagined something certain way and it doesn’t happen to be that way… I get really frustrated…. even if I say ‘its Oky’ …I don’t really mean it. I would already know that its not such a big deal…and still I can’t just ‘let it go’ 😦 …I’ll cry and crib over it for loooooooonnnnnnnngggg enough and will get over it only when I get some new and interesting enough topic 😛
# I should keep myself busy.
I’d started believing that I’m totally lazy and I don’t like to work at all…. when the fact is totally opposite of it. I like to work… but I enjoy one type of work only for some time and then I need something new. I love to learn something new. When I find myself not doing anything wroth while and not learning anything new …. I start getting upset slowly and gradually but would believe that I’m upset these days for XYZ reason… and at times will simply blame it on hormones 😀
# I’m not a loner.
Absolutely not. I can’t survive if I’m to live on an island without any contact with any human being… may be I’ll start talking to fishes and other creatures 😛 I crave for friends…and I’m really happy when I make new friends….though I’m no good when it comes to keeping in touch…but I love making new friends.
# I like to boss around (in harmless manner only… mind it 😉 )
Till now… I’d never thought of myself as a Bossy person… but as a matter of fact I like to boss around, scold people for their mistakes, getting things done my way only etc. 😉 (tell me ..who wouldn’t 😛 )… I’m not sure if I would really like to be a boss. I run away from responsibility (I knew this already so its not a new finding 😛 ).
If you’re wondering that – ‘oky…so what happened suddenly ?’ …. answer is “I don’t know” … I can assume about a dozen reasons…but all just assumptions…. I’m not really sure what is the reason that suddenly my perspective about myself changed… but what I know is…. I want to fix it. Naah… all of them are not really problems…but some are… and I don’t want them to grow under the cover of ‘ignorance’ any more.
Any tips? ( I’ll try and not let my ego issue come in my way of trying it out 😉 )