“If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.” – Michel de Montaigne


I saw this quote as Aathira‘s status on Gtalk… and here goes the conversation….

me: hummm…nice quote
  but what does your personal experience say ?
  😉

Aathira:  I feel that at times love makes one blind to simple practicalities.. so hence friendship is a safer bet
what do you feel? 🙂

me: i agree
  but i think a balanced combination will be even better
  when it comes to understanding… friendship is a better approach
  but when it comes to adjustments… love is the way to go 😉

Aathira: hmmm thts also true…

me: at the same time…one (especially girls ) should be carefull to make sure that the ‘adjustments’ are not done at the cost of their self-esteem
(now i sound like IHM 😛 )

 Aathira: ha ha   🙂
  yes … I must say you do

me: 😛
but while we are talking about female rights… should not forget about male rights also
  a balance is necessary to creat a ‘happy world
anyways…don’t want to bore you with philosophical discussion 😛

 Aathira: i agre… and more importantly… male ego also!

me:   well…i believe that God has made them that way 😉

 Aathira: 🙂
  true…

me: in fact i wouldn’t like my husband without his little bit of  ego 😉
  but yes…i also won’t tolerate over doze of it

Aathira: 🙂 ha ha…
there are times when the ego grows and you do not know that it has grown beyond a point… so that’s also dangerous… 

me: yup
  i agree
  that’s why its necessary to keep a watch on it 😉

I believe in communication
  as soon as i feel that certain behaviour wasn’t right… i prefer talking to him about it at that time only
…if the mood and time is not right…i would wait for a while…but not too long

Aathira: yes… but you know when you also have a slight ego… that’s dangerous…
  like in my case…

 me: hummm
  true
  same with me
don’t know if it’s ego problem or what…but i get irritated at small little things at times…which are really not worth it
  again… communication is the key for me

Aathira: i totally agree.. it’s just very trivial when you look back…

me: i tell him to remind me whenever my reaction is not right….. so that he knows that i know my weakness and i am trying to control it and want his support in the process

Aathira: but you do get irritated..and that spoils the moment.. when he doesn’t get why and what pissed you off so much!

me: yes…ture…it spoils the moment
and it’s really sad when you loose a special moment 😦
  i feel terrible after doing that kind of disasters

Aathira: i know…
  totally agree~

 me: wht to do?
  why God had to make women so complicated
  😛

 Aathira: 😛

me: forget about hubby…at times i can’t understand myself
  and still that certain ‘i can’t understand it’ behaviour is so obvious for other women…and they totally understand it ;D

 Aathira: I know..
  at times i wanna believe in something… and i say it to myself in my head to at times..
  but then when the matter comes in front of me..
  i just do something so different
  i myself can’t believe i did that !

 me: exactly
yesterday only i was discussing this thing with Hubby… i told him that i understand certain things…but i still get upset about it
..and he gave me a nice explanation… that understanding is one thing… at this point you are giving logical reasons to yourself..but that won’t help your heart
…for that you have to accept the fact and let it go
  then only it will stop bothering you
I couldn’t believe that a male could understand it and explain it so easily 😛

Aathira: 🙂 ha ha …
what your husband said is exactly what always happens with me…

 me: i know
  with me too

 Aathira: and it always happens with some things..
  its just amazing… your mind understands.. but the heart is just miles away

me: but i was surprised that i didn’t tell him any details and still he could understand my problem… * touch wood *    🙂

Aathira: 🙂 well.. that’s love 🙂

 me: 🙂
  well..i beg to differ
  i think its more of friendship here 😉

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2 thoughts on ““If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.” – Michel de Montaigne

  1. A really very interesting quote and discussion!!!! And as per my opinion, friendship should come first. Before falling in love (or start making adjustments), we need to know each other and understand each other. even after marriage, there should be some percentage of friendship in the relationship apart from love which may prevent major ego conflicts etc. So, hubby & I are still friends even after 5 years of marriage and it really helps in handling complicated moments.

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